I cannot begin to tell you how crazy the religious community makes me. Don’t get me wrong, over all I am doing this to become closer to Hashem, so ultimately other Jews will neither deter nor motivate me to continue to try and improve myself spiritually. However, it boggles the mind nevertheless to have on the one hand people who are so warm and engaging and on the other so completely off-putting.
On the positive side, the women in the community have blown my wife and I away. When word got out that my wife was ill (nothing serious), the meals and phone calls and well wishes were unbelievable. We didn’t cook a dinner for two weeks. Amazing! People who do not live in a community live this could not begin to imagine it. Even my reform (and that is generous) mother-in-law was inspired by the outpouring of concern the community showed our family in time of (moderate) need.
On the other side of the equation, I had the misfortune to attend an Oneg Shabbos last week at which I couldn’t have been made to feel less welcome. I arrived at the host’s home and nearly had to talk my way in. I am not sure if it was because I am not yet a black hatter, or because they did not know me, or because I didn’t use enough deodorant before Shabbos, but whatever it was it was practically a shut door, let alone an open one. Then, when a couple other men arrived and began informally counting who was in attendance, they looked right at me and did not include me in their count. After this happened a second time, and I gave the counter a look, he said, “Oh, you’ll count; any warm body will do.”
I was not being oversensitive. Until the guest speaker arrived only one person, beyond the rabbi, said even one word to me that night other than “Pass the soda.” Again, I can handle it. However, I would be obfuscating if I did not cop to being at least a bit hurt; not like a shunned school girl, but rather, as a member of Kol Israel who aches that it is the attitude of these men, my fellow Jews, that is what makes so many secular and less observant Jews feel the religious are arrogant and insular. Has Hashem not punished us enough times for shunning our brothers?
